Let me just explain why I wanted to talk about this. I think it’s very important to not just show others how much you’ve succeeded but to also show any failures along the way because at the end of the day, we’re all just human right? And as much success we may find along our journey, we'll find just as many if not more stories of "failure" (aka lessons) along the way.
I was in a major art funk, especially in regards to my oil pieces, since November 2018. And this time, it didn’t happen out of the blue, something- a lesson- is what set it off. And I say "this time" because there have been plenty of times, as I’m sure it happens to many of us, that I’ve just woken up and was suddenly and completely out of inspiration and enthusiasm to get back to it, but this time wasn't it. So I’ll start from the beginning but I won’t tell you the story in full because I don’t want to bore you with all of the details. Pretty much: I currently reside in Norway, which isn’t the easiest country to become an "established" artist. Now, I’m not going to sugarcoat my experience and make what I’ve learned and have gone through seem like it was easy-peasy and the happiest moments of my life because truth of the matter is that it wasn’t. I want to be very transparent here with this blog and these writings I’m sharing with you because I find honesty to be one of the most important building blocks in a healthy relationship. And yes, if you’ve signed up to my newsletter or check out this blog from time to time, I absolutely consider this a relationship now.
As I was saying, this country isn’t the easiest place to become an artist, unless you’ve got formal education under your belt, i.e: university OR if you are a part of an art organization here. The problem with this is that 1. People who are incredible artists but have no formal education are not given a fair chance. And 2. In order to be in an art organization in this country (called ‘kunstforening’) You have to be formally educated. Do you see the issue here? So, I don’t have any university degrees in anything, but art is my passion and I dedicate many hours, fail many times and learn many things in order to become a better artist. And as most of us, I would like this to be my career. I would like to wake up every morning and be able to make a complete living off of commissions and original paintings, having exhibitions around the world and magazine publications, right? So in order to do this in the country that I live in now, I would obviously have to join an organization because the whole university thing is out of the picture.
There is an organization here in Norway, whose name I will not reveal, that takes in artists who do not have any formal education or degree. And as kind of a gesture this is, it’s absolutely not the easiest organization to get into. Which I totally understand cause then you'd have people joining willy-nilly all over the place. There’s a whole big application process that starts with you sending in five of your best recent paintings, if you get into that first round, you are then invited to Oslo, the Norwegian capital in order to have your paintings judged in front of this jury who are the curators for the organization (terrifying) and after a few hours you're told whether or not you got in and if you didn’t get in, they do you the kind favor of telling you why and what it is you need to work on in order to get in next time, if you so choose to apply again. I went through this process with my oil paintings this past November and it was one of the scariest experiences of my life, and that’s something that’s quite interesting to me because it has to do with purpose and being an artist, but maybe that’ll be my next blog. Here are some of the pieces I entered with:
Long story short, I didn’t get in and it crushed my spirit. It’s interesting because when I left after hearing the bad news, I immediately went into positivity – mode. Where I reassured myself that it would be fine, that I could just apply again (and pay that stupid fee for the THIRD time, yes THIRD), that I’m still a great artist, etc. And as much as these coping mechanisms are a wonderful tool for those who suffer from self doubt (like me), you know, staying positive, holding your own hand through tough situations, reassuring yourself of your value and worth as an artist or otherwise, it does no good to completely toss aside the hurt, grief, and maybe even anger that we are feeling. These are lessons I’ve learned over the years of being a spiritual counselor and I’m not perfect so of course, I cave even with this knowledge but I always find my footing later on. The important thing to know here is there needs to be a balance.
You need to allow your self to feel the grief and the hurt. You need to allow yourself to process it in whatever way you know how to process it so that you can move forward. This grief that I had ignored after being told no and trying to cope with positivity (aka bypassing) had gnawed away at my creative fire for months until I decided to look it straight in the eye about a week ago. When I did that, the most magical thing happened, I picked up my oil paints and brushes for the first time since November and created this beauty:
I had no idea that was in me! And I had no idea that I would be able to create a painting as lovely as that one ever again. I was in such a low place (that truth be told I’m still slowly coming out of but being compassionate and patient with ourselves and our process is very important in terms of self care)- this low place had me convinced that I would never create a stunning oil piece ever again. That maybe it was lost, maybe the creative fire was extinguished and that’s all I had to give. But from the shadows and the grief that I had decided to finally acknowledge and FEEL, I found that piece above.
So how did I get from this low place to having that spark again? I acknowledged the pain. Because I'm human. Not out of force and only when I felt truly ready. It’s important to not force ourselves to look at something that may be painful or even downright traumatic if we know that it’s not going to do us any good because we aren’t ready for that yet. That was very important in my process. I knew that I had to sit and process whatever it was that my psyche needed to process in the time it needed to be able to do so. I gave myself all the time in the world to sit, experiment with new mediums (like digital art), take care of myself the best way I knew how, deep clean the apartment, meditate, so on and so forth. And when I was ready, I looked at the grief. When my highest self said “it’s time”, I sat and cried. Yes, I cried. I journaled for an hour and a half and cried my eyes out at the fact that all of the hopes and dreams and goals I had when I was finally part of an organization was completely ripped away in a moments time. I cried for the self doubt I had felt when I was told no. I cried for those feelings of not being good enough when I was in the car on my way home trying to cope with positivity. I cried for not getting enough sleep that night. I cried because it was absolutely necessary for me to do so in order to move on and let it go. And that’s completely okay. Maybe you’re in an art funk not out of pain but because of seemingly no reason whatsoever, but I promise you that if you look deep down there is always a reason. Usually these reasons look like feelings of self-doubt, feeling like you’re not as good as so-and-so over on Instagram and so what’s the point of creating anything. Many times, we might not think these things out loud or even consciously in our mind but these are beliefs that we subconsciously harbor in our psyche that usually prevent us from moving forward. Here are the things that help me ease out of a funk that may help you:
And that’s it! That’s literally what I've done and continue to do every time I feel that I'm in any sort of rut. I hope this is helpful to you and if you take anything away from this blog, let it be this: Know that at the end of the day, your art matters, it always matters and will always matter and give yourself the time you need no matter how long that may look like because funks don’t last forever and regardless of how you’re feeling and what’s going on, your creative spark lives within you and will never and can’t ever be extinguished. That is and will always be the truth. - Dianna x PS: Because being in a rut sucks, I created this mini workbook for you to hopefully find your way out of one... Download the art funk workbook!
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AuthorMy name is Dianna. I'm an indigenous-Puerto Rican artist currently residing in Norway with my husband, trying to make it as an established artist. ArchivesCategories
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